Kerri
06-15-1999, 01:57 PM
I began altering last night and went back to UM One..When I used Ultra Meditation One last night, I remembered… Memories long forgotten or deteriorated by time. Seemingly insignificant memories surfaced…but are they really insignificant? They are a part of me, a part of what I experienced in my past, a part of my life. My Mother in different time periods of her life, sitting on the couch watching TV on her days off from work, Different hair styles, weight, and clothes. Clouds (I have always been a sky watcher) but it wasn’t a vision of clouds, it was a memory, the crisp air, the wind blowing, the certain time of day, the time of year and the feeling of peace…a memory. <BR> I did see something that I have seen a few times with both UM one and two… Black water… it’s happened a few times, so I must take this for whatever meaning it has. I saw the black water the first time during my deep phase in Meditation One. I was being submerged in it while in a float tank like object. The next time I was on a pier during my deep phase in Meditation Two, I assumed I saw these both as black because it was very dark both times. Last night I saw it twice, it looked like a puddle of black water with a tube about 6 inches above it, dripping the water from it’s opening. Then it looked like someone took a portion of my wave / Pier vision and showed me a small piece of it. Then back to the puddle. Almost like I never took it for it’s meaning when I saw it all those other times and it was making absolute sure I understood that there is some meaning to it. <BR> I don’t know if this holds true but when I see something that I don’t understand I take out my dream book / dictionary. The way I figure is that you see things while you dream in your subconscious and since your subconscious and conscious mind are working together while using the machine it stands to reason that you can interpret your visions and subconscious babbling through dream dictionaries, but the same holds true, You can’t take the meaning from the dictionary to fit your very own unique personality, you have to pick it apart and find what these things mean solely to you, from there you can gain a lot of insight. The dictionary states that black is the color of depression, anger, hate, all negative feelings and emotions. The water stands for navigating through the subconscious mind. This may seem extreme to who ever reads this but to me… I completely understand it. This has been difficult for me to come to terms with but with use of the Mind Quest I have been able to work through some very deviating experiences and emotions, such as going into pre-term labor at five months and watching my precious baby boy Tyler struggle to live but loosing the battle in my arms, watching him die. The extreme depression that followed, hate for the doctor and the whole medical profession and myself for an incompetent cervix, feeling that it was my body rejecting my only son. <BR>So yes…I have a lot of “black water” in my mind and the Mind Quest is showing me the way out. It has given me the courage to face MYSELF and patience in overcoming the turmoil from my past that is still alive and festering in my mind and heart. <BR> I saw the black water, Now I understand it’s meaning. I haven’t been going any deeper because I have to completely work through this… this is my biggest hurdle. I’ve been moving forward only to discover my past... One step back, two steps forward, I guess that holds true as well.