Feeling extremely irritable

[Santina Turner]

I just started the MM CD's and have noticed I get really irritated quickly over certain things and haven't experienced this before. Thats not to say I havent gotten irritable before but this is different, more intense. It passes but it's troublesome to me. I hope it doesn't get worse. I started the MM about a week or so age. <BR>The Brain Power CD helped me with stress so this took me by surprise. Any feedback? <BR>Santina

[Cosmo]

Hello, Santina! I found the following in a different meditation online community, but thought it might help. All of the rest of the words in this message are of another writer responding to another meditator's similar concern: <BR> <BR>"I was particularly interested in your message, for I've had the same experience of having a superb meditation and, once it was over, finding myself plunged into a negative state such as anger. <BR> <BR>"I mentioned this phenomena to a friend in my meditation group, and she had a very succinct answer, one which I've never forgotten: she said, 'The Shakti doesn't care where you put It.' <BR> <BR>"When we meditate, there are often times large amounts of energy infused into our being. There are many names for this energy: Shakti, Chi, etc. We are constantly surrounded and sustained by It, and when we meditate well, the openness in our beings allows more of it to be instilled into us. <BR> <BR>"So when we exit a fine meditation, we have more energy than when we sat down at the beginning. ... This energy is ours to spend or save, as we see fit. So, if I'm going to think an angry thought right after a meditation like this, the increased energy in my system will go right into that anger, and it really hurts, doesn't it? It seems to hurt a lot more than during the times I have less energy circulating. <BR> <BR>"Sometimes it seems that the Shakti, being supremely intelligent, "brushes against" some psychological formations in our being in order to point out something, like a propensity for anger, and this pointing-out can be considered to be a gift, as the tendency toward anger is a liability to our happiness. ... While the Shakti is very kind in showing us these negative inclinations within us, She does not want us to get angry. If we go past the simple noticing of our predisposition toward anger and make it full-blown, then it's a painful lesson illuminating our own responsibility for inner events. <BR> <BR>"So if the energy which we have before meditation can be compared to gasoline, the energy in our system after a deep and powerful meditation could be likened to jet fuel. ... It's easy to stop a car at 20 miles/hour and difficult to stop a 747 traveling at 500 miles/hour. <BR> <BR>"My plunging into anger soon after a powerful meditation has taught me a great deal: that I'm responsible for it happening. ... When I first really started to look at it, I got pissed at myself, which didn't help in the least. It took a while to embrace my ignorance and accept my responsibility, and now it is far more difficult for me to allow myself to take that wondrous energy we receive in meditation and spend it in such a wasteful way. <BR> <BR>"My teacher has said that the only thing worthwhile getting angry at is our own ignorance. And in the process of becoming more honest with myself, my own ignorance is the only thing which has ever made me unhappy."